Paradoxical Intent: A Curious Therapeutic Alternative

When a child shows inappropriate behavior, the first reaction of adults is to ask the child not to do it. But sometimes, after attempts, requests, threats, or even conventional psychological techniques, there doesn’t seem to be a way to eliminate that behavior. It is precisely in these cases that paradoxical intention can be really useful.

We need to clarify that this technique has certain risks and limitations. Therefore , it should always be part of a broader set of strategies. It must be used in a controlled and suitable environment. However, due to its properties, it can provide fast, effective and surprising results.

What does paradoxical intention consist of?

Paradoxical intent is based on asking the child to do exactly what we want to make disappear. If we want him to stop biting his nails, we ask him to do it more often and for a longer period of time. If he has insomnia problems, we will instruct him to stay up all night. Or, if he tends to throw his toys on the floor when he gets angry, we ask him to do so for a certain amount of time.

As you can see, this is a really surprising technique that seems to go against all logic. Common sense dictates that we should be clear with the child about what he should and should not do. But when nothing seems to work, patience can be replaced by despair. At this point, the paradoxical intention may be a good alternative.

Paradoxical intent works when other techniques don’t

We should keep in mind that in certain situations, asking a child not to engage in certain behaviors is not enough for several reasons:

• It is not in the child ‘s power to stop that behavior. For example, if a child wets the bed or has a nervous habit like pulling his hair out, he has no control to stop that behavior. Even if he wanted to, he can’t change it.

• With his misbehavior, the child tries to get attention or generate a reaction from his parents. Even if the reaction is negative, he succeeds.
• The interaction between parent and child is ingrained. “The child acts inappropriately, the parents scold the child, and the behavior continues.” When this outcome has been repeated repeatedly, even if it is unpleasant, it is difficult to change.

How does paradoxical intention work?

Because of its very specific characteristics, the paradoxical intention is a very effective trigger to eliminate unwanted behavior. On the one hand, in the case of children who cannot avoid the behavior, this technique eliminates anticipatory anxiety.

In other words, a child who cannot sleep may be very anxious about going to bed because he expects that he will not fall asleep. So by telling him to stay up all night, the fear goes away. And in the same way, he will most likely fall asleep.

On the other hand, there are children who misbehave to get the attention of others or to disobey them deliberately. In this case, when we ask them to show the unwanted behavior, it no longer fulfills its function. For example, if we ask the child to throw toys on the floor for ten minutes when he gets angry, this behavior will no longer be helpful. Now, in order to disobey, he must stop throwing them.

Finally, when the misbehavior continues because the sequence has been repeated too many times, the paradoxical intent generates a change, a rupture. Parents now no longer scold the child, but ask him to act in the same way even more.

An alternative therapy

Whether it’s fear reduction or the surprising nature of the instructions, the reality is that paradoxical intent can produce interesting results. It has been used with positive effects in the treatment of conditions such as enuresis, nervous tics or stuttering. However, it is important to remember that it should always be part of a broader therapeutic plan.

If this technique is not used properly, the novelty factor can be lost. It can then reinforce the behavior we want to eliminate. However, when other conventional strategies fail, we can find a good alternative here.