How Can We Control Our Anger?

Knowing how to control our anger is fundamental to raising children and ultimately to our general well-being.

Anger is an emotion that occurs when we find ourselves in situations that frustrate us or that we find unfair. It’s a basic emotion and it’s normal to get angry from time to time, especially if you’re a mom or dad.

According to María José Bosch, the more we think about what caused our anger, the more reasons and justifications we think we have for being angry. Knowing how to understand and channel anger is therefore vital to have a better quality of life.

How can we recognize this emotion? What does it consist of?

Anger: a basic emotion

Emotions have many different definitions:

• Involuntary impulses.

• Responses to environmental stimuli.
• Cognitive and neurochemical processes.

They can even cause changes in our body, such as sweating or increased breathing.

However, a very good definition of emotion is that of psychologist Daniel Goleman. An emotion for him is a feeling and the thoughts that characterize it. This is influenced by the psychological or biological conditions that affect it. As a result, our body reacts in a certain way.

Emotions are messages that our body sends to deal with and respond to a particular situation. Anger belongs to the group of basic emotions, along with joy, sadness, disgust, fear and surprise, and it is a necessary survival mechanism for our body. But how can we control our anger?

Our anger is released by our thoughts and feelings and causes physiological and neurochemical changes, causing our bodies to react in a certain way. However, there are also a number of conditioning factors that influence this, such as personality and the socio-cultural context in which we find ourselves.

How to control our anger: identify the emotions

Identifying our emotions is key to our well-being and is a basic tool in our daily social interaction. If we can quickly see that a certain situation is making us angry, we will not be surprised and we will be able to better redirect our emotions and act on them.

People experience emotions in very different ways. It depends on our character, the situation we find ourselves in and our own past experiences.

So in order to identify which situations make us angry, we must first understand and analyze ourselves, and discover which things disturb or frustrate us. In this way , we will be prepared when we face a situation that we have identified as ‘high risk’.

Some of the signs that can warn us that we are about to explode can be found in the physiological signals our bodies send us. If you can recognize these symptoms, you can also take measures to control your anger:

• Restless breathing.
• Nausea and stomach upset in general.
• Muscle stiffness, especially in the shoulders.
• To sweat.
• Clamping of the jaw or hands.

One of the most visible and detectable signs we can find is in our minds. Constant negative thoughts will only serve to fan the fires of our emotions and increase the likelihood of an angry outburst.

4 ideas to manage anger

Accept the emotion

First of all, we have to accept that this emotion exists. There are always fundamental reasons for us to have these emotions. In the case of anger, we often express it when we feel that something is unfair. As a result, if we suppress or inhibit this emotion, it can affect our self-esteem.

Identify the emotion

Identifying our emotions is one of the first steps to managing them. Knowing and acknowledging that we are angry and that something is irritating and making us feel bad helps us identify the emotion and regain control of our decision-making. So how can we control our anger?

Find calm to manage your anger

When we’re angry, calm is the best weapon. If we continue to feed our anger, we will try to justify our actions. Finding calm, even if it is a very obvious solution, is therefore the best way to stop the wave of anger.

Good options are to go for a run or walk, take a deep breath and exhale, do an activity that relaxes us, or just go to a quiet place.

Think about what happened

This is very important because thinking about what happened helps us learn from the experience and manage your anger in the future. Questions like: “Why was I so upset?” , “How do I want to solve it?” or “Is there anything I can do about it or should I just let it go?” will all help you to analyze the situation and understand yourself better.

According to Bosch, anger, like sadness, is an emotion that feeds on itself. That means the more you think about the reasons you’re angry, the angrier you’ll get. Thinking through the situation in your mind will only fan the flames of anger. As a result, we will find even stronger reasons to be angry.

Anger is an emotion that activates our defense mechanism and triggers negative thoughts that aim to harm or destroy something.

It is true that it is a basic emotion and suppressing it can be counterproductive. However, if we cannot control our anger, it will eventually destroy us and harm those around us.