Raising A Child Alone: ​​a Difficult But Wonderful Experience

Raising a child alone is not the end of the world.  There are many fathers and mothers who want to do this. Others take on this challenge after being abandoned by their partner or even losing their partner.

Anyway, to be clear, raising a child alone is a complicated experience. But it can also become the experience of a lifetime. 

It is true that until recently raising and having a child alone was seen as something negative. But today a lot has changed. There are those who choose to raise a child alone, who want this experience without having a partner. People who don’t want to share parenthood with anyone else. This is a valid choice that we see more and more people making these days.

On the other hand, and perhaps more so, there are those who have recently been abandoned by their partners. They may have been promised love and partnership forever, until the pregnancy came. Faced with this, only the bravest and those who understand responsibility and commitment can handle it. Not because they have to, but because they want to and because they get satisfaction from it.

Anyway, our goal is not to delve deeper into the reasons why a mother (and sometimes a father) should fill both the roles. Today, at Je Bent Mama  , we want to talk about who can help in daily life. These tips can also help you be stronger and live the best part of your life to the fullest.

The truth about raising a child alone

The truth about raising a child alone is simple: it’s tough. Others may see a strong woman, a mother with a smile on her face as she carries her child from here to there. But inside there are many more things happening: many thoughts and feelings that we will look at today.

The fear that you can’t take it ‘is inside you’

A mother who raises her child alone gives the best of herself to her baby or children. She feels happy when she sees them sleeping peacefully in their beds, but when she goes to bed herself it is normal for her to wake up several times with a pang in her heart.

• Fear and anxiety are there…  “What if I can’t handle it all? What if I get fired this month? If I have to ask my parents for help again? And what if my child gets sick again? What will they say at work?” 
• It is normal to have such thoughts, they are not irrational fears, but real worries that a single mother will often have. But every day is a new day, and every day you get amazing things done.

Have to be ‘father’ and ‘mother’ at the same time

This is a common mistake of mothers and fathers who raise their children alone: ​​thinking that they both have to fill the roles at the same time.

• We need to be clear about something very simple: we mean everything to our children.  There is no need to play the classic roles of a strict father who works and a warm and loving mother who stays at home. We have to accept that both men and women are capable of doing all these things.
• Both men and women can be confidants and counselors, set boundaries, learn what is right and wrong, and be the main source of love for their children…everything is theirs.

Single mothers need a social life too

A mother who raises her child alone runs the risk of focusing all her attention, thoughts and worries on her child to the point of forgetting herself. 

• Be careful with this approach. If you don’t take care of yourself, if you don’t have moments of relaxation and social life, you can get depressed.
• Let your family help you, rest occasionally, and accept help.  
• Set up a network of friends.  People who can give you emotional support, with whom you can laugh, take a break and share experiences.

Also, don’t be afraid to meet new people, or potential partners… Being a single mom doesn’t mean you’re out. You can find love, if that’s what you want.

The role of the absent father and how we talk about it with children

Sooner or later, your child will ask about the absent parent. In the interest of good emotional development, it is important never to show a deep hatred for that person, or to ‘idealize’.

• Children need honesty and above all a sense of emotional calm where hatred or baseless have not yet developed.
• You have to convey maturity and balance. And teach your child that your family is a good team and the two of you will be fine.
• In short, raising a child alone is not easy and every day is a new challenge. But the bond you get with your kids is amazing and that’s something you can be proud of every day.  Excellent work!